Trace this Life Back
by TreasuresofRule
Summary: One shot. Inspired by Tosh's posthumous video, Gwen sets about making her own. A story about Gwen's love for Rhys, Torchwood and all that entails.


**Well this is odd for me. I always thought if I wrote a Torchwood fanfiction it would be an Ianto/Jack fic. Lately those are the only ones I read, but I've started feeling bad for Torchwood's most unappreciated member. Yeah most people always say it's Ianto, but poor little Gwen. I may actually be an anomaly. I like Gwen. I don't love her, but I like her well enough and I get sad every time I see her portrayed as a slutty always trying to get Jack, backstabbing idiot. She's absolutely none of those things. She's just a girl who happened to like a dashingly good looking confident man. I know if I got tossed into a world of aliens and technology and there happened to be an attractive, flirtatious man with a winning smile chatting me up, I'd probably fall for him too, regardless of the pretty man I had waiting at home. (of course I'd fall for Ianto if I were there so there's that.. . .) Yeah she annoyed me a bit with the Owen thing, but I think everyone makes mistakes.**

**

* * *

  
**

The light flicked on over her work station. It wasn't often she found herself alone at headquarters. The thought made her laugh bitterly. Could it really be a headquarters anymore? There were only three of them, and to be fair it was so much more than that. Now was not the time to be thinking about such things. What with the other two members of her team out on the hunt, she wanted to utilize her opportunity. She had promised herself she would do this ever since, well ever since that video of Tosh had popped up after her death. It was a morbid thought, that Tosh had anticipated her own death, but one she could understand. More importantly she didn't want to die without anyone knowing. Knowing how much they meant to her, how much Torchwood meant to her.

She took a breath, getting a firm grasp on her emotions and clicked the record button.

"Hello," she greeted cheerily, a small wave to whoever might be viewing this in the future. A part of her, no small part at that, was hoping no one would ever have to. "Right, if you're seeing this that means. . ." her smile faltered momentarily, wide chestnut eyes registering exactly what it would mean. "It means I've died, or am a vegetable with no hope of recovering, in which case be a dear and pull the plug on me, would you? I'd hate being a vegetable." She flashed a more heartfelt grin before forcing herself to focus on the task at hand. "Ianto, sorry dear, but we both know it'll have to be you: if we left it up to Jack I'd be there forever," she said, wrinkling her nose at the thought.

She sighed again, glancing up the empty office just a floor up above. "Listen Jack, if you're seeing this, there's something I never really told you. I love you," she said and hit the pause button on the record. She let out a deep breath. There she'd said it and she couldn't take it back. Not that he'd heard her, or that she'd even told him directly, but she had wanted someone to know, in case . . . in case she never got the chance. She clicked the resume button. "Now don't go flattering yourself into thinking I'm going to chase after you trying to shag you senseless after I finish this– cos I'm not, Jack Harkness," she amended quickly. "I love Rhys, always have, but the way I love you is different from the way I love him, different from the way I care for Ianto, for the way you care about Ianto. I can't explain it; it's just there at the back of my mind if I think about it. I just . . . wanted you to know."

She knew even as she spoke the words that she would never act upon them. She had known ever since she'd accepted Rhys's proposal that it was over, whatever they might have had. She had been week at the wedding; she attributed it to the hormones of woman who had suddenly, unexpectedly become 9 months pregnant: a woman who had been teased and strung along into thinking she might stand a chance with a dashing hero only to realize that even when he had come back it wasn't just for her. There she had been, her perfect day already close to ruins and she had been weak. She had kissed someone she'd thought was Jack, hoping to get it out of her system once and for all, but after the reception she had closed the book 'Captain Jack Harkness' and thrown out the sequel to make room for the new series: The Adventures of Mrs. Cooper-Williams.

Her eyes focused off screen, staring at a picture of herself and her husband, though at the time they weren't that to one another. "Tell," she began again, feeling her throat clench instinctively. "Tell Rhys I love him, yeah? That I always will, and tell him, tell him it was worth it. Whatever I died doing because I know it was . . . will be." She smiled again, a smile simultaneously faked and genuine. It had the air of trying to hide her pain while knowing that she spoke the truth. "I just, I want you to know that this," she paused to gesture around the hub. "All of this, I wouldn't be who I am now without it, without every one of you. Torchwood is, it's changed my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. Can't even imagine still running around doing police work now. I've learned so much and felt so much. . .I just: Thank you, I suppose." She smiled again and this time there was nothing fake about the expression. "Yeah, thank you, and I love you both," she said with a decisive nod. She leaned over to press the end recording button and paused, straightening herself back up. "And I really hope no one ever has to know about this little video besides me," she added as an afterthought, blowing a kiss to the screen.

She pressed the stop button and leaned back in her seat, feeling as though a great weight had been lifted off her chest. It was done, all she had to do now was embed it in her system's memory and make it so it would only appear if her personal information was deleted; easy enough task even if it was obscenely morbid. She sighed and began the tedious process; Lord only knew how much time she'd have until Jack and Ianto came back wanting use of the hub for. . .well anyone who knew Jack knew what.


End file.
